WHAT IF...


1. Pratibha Patil was dead..
Ans : not to worry.. she'd still have been sworn in.

2. There was no orkut.
Ans : probably u wont be reading this. :P

3. Reliance never entered Telecom.
Ans : i'd still be paying my whole pocket money for 1 one phone call. that too incoming.

4. Britney hadnt left Justin.
Ans : there'll be litl justin's taking classes from himesh.

5. there was no reshammiya
Ans : watever i say, he's the public choice. if he wasnt there, the Dance floors'd go empty.

6. Rakhi Sawant had died during her surgery.
Ans : we'd all been blessed n saved of her embarassing shit.

7. Bryan Adams was an indian
Ans : we'd be getting lounge, quawaali, n javed akhtar versions of "everything i do..."

8. There was no botox.
Ans : Simi garewal would be like kneaded aata.

9. Rowling never wrote.
Ans : I wont be writing. EVER.

10. Shilpa shetty had said no to Big brother.
Ans : her freakin sister would be married off to a driver. and shilpa, well, she'll still be dancing to "UP bihar lutne" at political parties.. where else.. in UP bihar.

11. ASH was not fake
Ans : she'd still be unmarried.. maybe havin a career in hollywood. and definitiely itno sm1 better than AB. what the-?

12. There never was a KBC
Ans : i'd still be watching Talaaq kyuun on DD.

13. FREINDS was never made.
Ans : wud never have gotten into watchin sitcoms n others. n never would have been compared to chandler. :P

14. Lalu was our education minister.
Ans : pass percentage would not be a valid word. IITs would offer courses to make gobar uupleigh! and like kulhar scheme, we'll all be deriving poynting theorem on a slate!

15. this is personal. i never got 96% in class 10.
Ans : nthin. still be here. :P

Madhur Mr. Out...

this overtly expressive and over-enthu in doing everything the english way, was a sample teacher we had in our third Semester.. took Data structures.. boy, he'd have had a sad life in school. AND college. his way of walking, talking, standing, speaking, writing, looking at people, or just plain living his life was sad humor.

here's a whole list of his blunders in spoken english. i proudly call 'em Madhurisms...

as heard prononciations given in brackets...

:: How to insert out the (thee) element?? insert OUT? y insert at all?

:: Behave like an engineers... oh, im a whole bunch, am i??

:: if the element is not been finding in list.. y just plain y??

:: u should have to complete the things

:: Its not practically possibles... he was just impossibleS

:: i dont thinks so its an practical [tyin to say he thinks its nt practical]

:: answer your roll [RAWL] calls yes , Sawr :O

:: major measures [mazor meazures] , languaze he was a zoker!!!

:: languaze / alternative [utternative]

:: how many ankit gupta is there?? i dont knw.. maybe a whole group of over 1 ankit

:: Ur just deleting out the one node got the it, the sir..

::why you need out the two pointers?? :(

:: Now i have to start with the stacks things. i never got the stacks thinggs.

:: agar aapne divisions kara bhi hai.. to hame divisions samajh nahi aaya.

:: Every students cant perform out oh alrite, they'll perform in their bedrooms!! ;)

aap puzzles ho jaate hain... oh yea.. main puzzles hu!! Solve me!!



Mr. out dole-outs ::::

Madhur theory was formulated by the geeky gay Madhur. his theory stated that
" the word out could be used incessantly with almost any possible word in the english dictionary. to probably emphasize on the word. :O"

like so:-

study out
delete out.
insert out.
come out. [when askin a kid to come in actually]
rub out the board.
read out the book.
write out the algorithm.
say out.
assign out.
add out
subtract out.
attend out.

:O

he left OUT our college for good OUT.
may his soul rest out in peace.

peace out. V out. oh my god out, i got out it too!

get out it off!!

gerroff out me!

OUT!

AAPKE TAARE.... ahan, seriously??

nothing bugs me more nowdays than the overtly obnoxious horoscope programmes ( if its legal to call them that)..

drowsy dickheads and heavy-on-kohl n short-on-cloth-for-sleeves bitches pop up on EVERY goddamn channel.. n start predicting your deaths... n then console u by tellin the next sun sign's nt faring better either. m waiting to see what worse than death.

apart from sudden n totally unexpected popouts... here are some common events n dates that trigger them outta their shitty hibernation.. onto our TV sets.. in weird costumes n weird names..

1. Solar eclipse : : if free will ruled, they'll send a guy up there to block the sun with his bottoms every secnd day. solar eclipse's like the Numero uno in pop-out reasons...

2. Lunar eclipse : : duh.. wat else.. bloody i've had fights with my closed ones during one of these. the guy even had the literate capability to link up a moon's eclipse to a guy's wife running away...
yeaaaa... bless the moon's light, she saw his face ever more clearly!! was a bat, so couildnt open her eyes in the morning...

3. Any festival. oh man, wats pongal or bhai dhuj got to do with horoscope??

4. Any celebrity death/ wedding/divorce :: they'll pull out their charts to even predict how rakhi sawant's next stage show ( or mujraa) gonna be viable comercially! u dnt need horoscopes for her.. sentence her to death. or atleast forced eviction from our sights.

5. Any national holiday :: loser TV channels havent got anythin more interesting, so, y nt just pop out some 1 from the im-a-loony-here-to-make-u-a-moony community!

6. Days with not much unusual activity : : well, who likes boredom!! during this time.. these programms double up as comedy showS!! AAj tak banne chala Star world!!

7. rained heavily / or didnt.

8. Cow givin milk continuously for three hours.

9. Idols drinking milk!! yea one more of those n i'll sue the insane sheepish indian population for believeing it.

10. Khali loses a match in LA... even after a yagya in ludhiana... OMG!! wat are the chances!! its gotta do summin with his taare!! so, might as well pull out your taare too!!

many more.

the shows being shown are a nonentity on the english news channels. excpet maybe headlines today... [who watches it anyway.. a Jhujaar singh with a thick accent scares every1 wenever his eyebrows vanish into his forehead!]
the channels i hate due to this horoscope torture!!

just four. the rest , like total TV, sahara samany, aaj tak tez, delhi, ibn 7, etc. didnt even care to flip through them.

AAj TAk :: get each n every bitch there to go burn themselves in hell. guys are no bettter.. Prabhu chwala of seedhi baat : u better nt meet Me anywhere!! u speak like a whore on lose!!
WTF!! y nt altogether ban aaj tak!! the lady in the horoscope programs wears makeup like its nt only free.. buh like its gonna make her hide her face in shame..

ZEE NEWS :: itni himmat k they've got nt one, buh two screens... two yogis chanting on a ;live primetime show... mantras no sane person's expected to understand.

STAR NEWS : : well, its a comedy channel. so, everything's forgiven.

INDIA TV : : ahan, seriously???